What fresh hell is this?

I'm taking a break from all the positive crap for a bit. I'm not going to be a Debbie Downer or anything, just taking a sabbatical from it. Sometimes, I'm just not feeling it, and that time is now.

Did you guys know I'm a gold digger? Neither did I, until yesterday morning. Actually, I'm not at all and am appalled at the person making those implications that I am. 

So sticks and stones, right? Well, that's debatable...I read an article about a mom who is tired of kids feeling like they deserve things. It's a decent read and it makes strong points about using critical thinking and problem solving skills without the answers being handed to you because life is haaaaaard! While I have zero children and now I only count as my Mom's kid, this doesn't necessarily apply to me. However, what does apply is the simple thought that showing someone respect and allowing them to keep their dignity should not have to be requested. It should be ingrained in the minds of everyone who lives in civil society. Maybe I'm the only one who feels that way, maybe not, but it does seem like very few people practice this. I've said before and stand behind- every single person on the planet would benefit from every single person having a little more compassion for their fellow man.

I get cursed out over the phone at work because I won't transfer a screaming person to anyone. If you don't scream or swear at me, you get what you want. If you aren't an asshole to me, I won't talk shit about you in my blog. Maybe I'm being petty, but right now I feel petty and angry are a better approach than brushing it off and being stupidly positive about it. 

Suck it, positivity.

Solths > Boyfriends. So it is written.

Boyfriend and I broke up last night...OK, he broke up with me. I have conflicting feelings about it, but whatever, it is done and now I can work on the things I really want to do and point myself in the direction I want to head in with my focuses being on work and school. Also, we're starting to head into the weather filled months that require daytime patio drinking with friends. It's not all bad.

I want to say things like we'll be friends and blah, blah, fucking blah, but at the moment I don't necessarily feel friendly towards him and I certainly don't want to see him for awhile. I'll reiterate that I don't think he is a bad person, in fact, he is an exceptional person, and overall I have the utmost respect for him, just at the moment I really can't find it in me to see past my being upset about the whole stupid thing. Therefore, right now, he sucks.

I could continue on with this post but then it has the potential of turning into a woman scorned piece. I'm not about that anymore. I am however, all about sloths.

Epiphffffff-a-what?

Have you ever had a feeling that you were on the verge of an epiphany? It's a strange thought...you'd think they either happen or they don't, there isn't that much of a grey area regarding epiphanies. However, this last week I've been having this weird feeling that I'm about to have one, it's on the verge of my brain like a word you're trying to remember is on the tip of your tongue.

1 week later-
I have taken some time to really think about this post and well I can tell you that the epiphany didn't happen. In fact, the thought that some sort of life changing, "Ah-ha" moment just fizzled out. How anticlimactic for you. How anticlimactic for me! Believe it or not, I'm still working on this positivity thing- Side note, Blogger is telling me 'positivity' isn't a word. I know it is, I double checked in Outlook, even though I didn't need to, because it IS a word! You crazy, Blogger. -I have put school on hold for now until I have confirmed that my employment is in permanent status and no longer temporary. I'm not making excuses, I'm being realistic that I'll need to pay back student loans and being gainfully employed will most definitely help with that. As much as I don't wanna be, I am a responsible adult and have to ensure that I can take care of the shenanigans I involve myself in.

Oh yeah, I have a new job, I work at Harley Marine Services now as the temporary receptionist. Answering phones is pretty easy. It's a nice change of pace for now, of course I don't solely answer phones, but that's a main part of it. There are some factors in play at the moment that keep me at temporary status but I am shooting for a different position here that make better use of my skills- also not a complaint, I am so grateful to be here, I like the people and the office. There's a gym on site, and fully stocked kitchens, I can get used to this, actually, I have gotten used to it. In the mean time, I'm totally killing it at the receptionist gig. Not to downplay it, being a receptionist can be tough, there are a ton of interruptions throughout the day. This is the first time I've had to have interactions with almost all of the office folks, not just in Seattle, but also in all of the other offices scattered around the States as well. Therefore learning everyone's name and where they're located is my current challenge.

Back to positivity! Alright, not to have rainbows shooting out of my ass or anything, I don't think I'm capable of that kind of energy anyway. I know the people I surround myself with are thankful for that. Else it would be a lonely road I'd travel. Also, that kind of energy is exhausting. I need energy to take the stairs.  I've taken an approach to distance myself from negative vibes that harsh my mellow, man. Mostly to try and understand why someone is upset. What was it that caused it, and how can I help to make them feel better? If I can't make them feel better, how can I get them to become tolerable? Sometimes telling the upset person to just breathe seems to help. I try not to say, "It's not a big deal", to anyone having a hard time mostly because of perspective. What I might think to be a throw away problem could be the end of the world for someone else. I'm just trying to find the middle ground. In certain situations, I don't necessarily feel like I've established myself yet, and I still have something to prove to some folks so I'm finding different ways to get to reasonable solutions. I really don't want to fix people or their problems. Really, who has time for that? I want to be comfortable in all areas in my life, therefore if I can influence someone into a healthier way of looking at work/life/label making programs, why should I stop?

I like to think that I'm leading by example. So if I don't talk shit about a woman's obvious fashion faux pas or other material/character judgments (OMG Blogger, judgments isn't a word either? How dare you call yourself a blog!) around a person that does exhibit those behaviors, am I influencing them at all, or am I just deluding myself to what I hope will happen? It's probably the latter, but what do I know? I'm obviously deluded.

I'm off to skip through the halls and jump in rain puddles now.