It has been 8 years since my Dad has passed away and 7 whole
months since my Mom joined him. This isn’t a post about the deceased or about how
those of us left behind are doing – we’re fine, thank you. It is a post
regarding the things NO ONE ever talks about and how if we did talk about them,
perhaps folks wouldn’t have to deal with both grief and the obscene amount of
paperwork and hoops to jump through to get shit accomplished, well, you’ll
still have to go through all of that, but hopefully this small guide will ease
that process for you. This post is because I love you, and I don’t ever want
anyone to go through the already harrowing experience of losing a loved one and
experience the frustration of previously stated hoops, furious texts/phone
calls to your living loved ones, shaking your fist at the sky, and numerous nights
crying solely out of frustration. I don’t want that for you, you can do better than
I did.
First and foremost, at the time of this post, I live in
Washington State. This is important for what I am about to tell you; if your
parents die and you and/or your sibling(s) find yourself wondering what the
fuck you do now, contact a probate attorney. Even if there is a last will and
testament assigning you or your sibling executor of the estate, go to probate.
We found this out through some not necessarily incompetent, but rather unhelpful
folks over at the water company who were obviously reading off a script, in which
they repeated, “We can’t forward bills to you now, you need the letter that ‘they’
provide you in the ‘packet’ when someone dies.” Actual quote. They have no idea
what they’re talking about and don’t expect to get much more information from
them than that. The Letter that comes in the Packet that was mentioned is the letter
of testament which essentially states who is the executor of the estate- you
get that when you go to probate.
Probate in WA state is different than other states, I’m not
an expert and I certainly don’t know probate law and regulations for other
states, you’ll have to do some research. Washington doesn’t charge a percentage
of the estate, you basically pay the attorney a retainer fee and then whatever
the hourly fee is. Probate takes 4 months, it alerts creditors/utilities/credit
card companies/bookies (kidding, someone else is going to have to tell the
bookie, but it’s probably best to just pay them…or run away…you do you, Boo.)
that that the account holder has passed away. After those 4 months are done,
you are free to sell the house/car/items of the estate. Please also note, that going
into probate is public knowledge, you may very well be contacted by those that
I lovingly call the ‘Vultures’ who circle around waiting for estate sales, or houses
for sale, whatever they can find to make a quick buck. I feel it completely
acceptable to tell the vultures to fuck off, however, it’s probably in your best
interest to tell them they have the wrong number should they call/text you as
you don’t want uninvited attention to the estate. Make sense?
Next, if you have a similar situation like ours where your
sibling is named executor of the estate but lives in a different state than you
and the estate, become co-executor. Seriously, save yourselves some headache. Because
I am not executor or co-executor, there’s a shit ton of things I cannot handle
regarding the estate, which is super difficult and incredibly frustrating.
PARENTS – please keep this in mind if you have more than one monster when you
write/update your wills. Help your kids out, they will be forever grateful for
you if you do. True, most people aren’t going to need more than one executor,
but it’s something to keep in mind.
If your parents were planners and fortunate enough to have a
life insurance policy, please note that life insurance money is different than
estate money. It’s not taxable, therefore, say your dad’s life insurance policy
was $1MM, and that’s sent to you or split between you and your siblings, you won’t
pay taxes on it. I’m not going to tell you how to spend that cash, yet, try really
hard not to spend life insurance money on estate expenses. If you’re lucky and there
is estate money, go ahead and use that for estate expenses.
401k, IRA retirement plans: As a beneficiary (and as in my case,
not the executor), you’re going to receive a boatload of mail from people and
companies you previously had no dealings with. If you get retirement plan distribution
forms, make sure the company that sent them to you also provides you with a
statement showing that you are in fact a beneficiary to that account. Otherwise,
you’ll end up like me, yelling at a woman in a bank about how irritated you are
with the financial institute’s whole process and all the while understanding
those processes are in place for a reason…grief is a fickle beast.
It’s a small start- we’re still going through it. Probate
should be wrapping up within a week or so and if there’s a part two regarding
estate sales, I’ll write it. For now, I hope this helps enlighten the living, at
least a little bit.
Kisses,
Samantha
