Shame Burger

It's time I wrote this story down, even though I think it's better in person, but I've had a couple people ask me to write it and that's what I'm here for...to appease you. It happened just over a year ago so I have given myself enough time and space from all involved parties that if they should ever read this they'll merely chuckle and never reach out to me to let me know it is them I am writing about.

On with it then.

I had recently split from ex-boyfriend, I was unemployed and needed to find something to fill my time. I had always wanted to learn how to knit - you'll just have to believe me when I tell you I'm not an 80 year old woman. It gets harder to believe when I tell you about my mad Jeopardy skills, I know. Anyway, a friend of mine said she would teach me to knit and we started a group called KWA or, Knitters With Attitude, if you will.  After a little while I became more comfortable as a knitter and one weekday I came up with a project idea and headed down to the craft and fabric store in the SODO district of Seattle.

It was late enough in the day that I knew better than to go out in public without eating. I hurriedly gathered my supplies with a rumbly tummy, keeping my temper in check when the gal at the register wanted to talk all about my knitting projects and examined everything in my basket with such curiosity.  After an eternity, I got to the car, and decided that I could not continue on with my day until I either murdered someone or ate something. I went with the latter, obviously.

4th Ave in SODO is littered with fast food places. Based on the title of this entry, I don't need to tell you where I decided to go. You can make your own judgments. Looking at the time, I started mapping out which ways to get back to West Seattle without A) people seeing my eat my shame burger and B) ...Nope, you know what? A is good enough.

I get up to the top of the West Seattle Bridge and at the light get in the left turn lane. I'm stopped there for a minute and I am going to town on the shame burger. I look over to my right and the most beautiful man I have ever seen is staring at me, smiling. Let's just say that he was so ridiculously good looking, my ovaries may have dropped a little. I was horrified. I actually screamed, "NOOOOO! How is that fair?!" and watched as he laughed. The light changed and he went straight through it, while the guy behind me had to honk at me to get me to snap out of my disbelief.

I could end this entry on the note that I have written off shame burgers all together, but it's not true. My last road trip to the Eastern side of the state involved them. But I had my navigator with me to ease the weight of the shame. She's not so judgey.

Funny thing...

Boss man walks into his office and a few moments later a loud banging sound emits out of the doorway. I called out, “What are you doing?!”

“Fixing something!”

He emerged from his office saying he was fixing his iPad because the screen was all wonky. We started talking about work stuffs and he called me into his office where he sat at his desk, picked up his iPad and from about a height of 6” from the desk top, drops it down and started mumbling how that wasn’t fixing it.

Cue laughing, level 3 laughing from me.

“What are you doing?!!!”

“This is how you fix it! I saw it on the YouTube. Don’t look at me like I’m full of shit. You don’t believe me?”

Then he showed me a video on “the” YouTube of a guy who picks up a hammer…I nearly died… and lightly taps the edge of the screen and it goes back to normal.

“See?! Told ya I wasn’t full of shit. If you go to the Apple website, they tell you to bring it in.”

“I’m pretty certain they’d be adamant about not slamming it on a desk or hitting it with a hammer.”

“Yeah, the only problem is that if you do it this way it keeps happening.”

“No kidding?” 

This Isn’t Normal Is It?

If you could, without having to actually do anything, try human flesh? There was a mock product with website a few years ago called Hufu which was supposedly a tofu product manufactured to taste like human flesh. There’s a Wikipedia  page dedicated to it if you don’t believe me. Also, in the description of this fakery, the creators of Hufu spent time with a cannibalistic tribe in South America in order to get a good taste/quality control tests to make sure it was accurate (source needed).

The other day, I saw another article on happyplace.com about another product of human burger patties created by 2 chefs in London. I realize that happyplace.com is probably a really bad source for reliable news, but they aren’t any worse than CNN- amiright? Zing! Anyway, like Hufu, it isn’t actually meat made from people. There are no babies in cages being fattened up for their livers or other tasty baby parts.

This poses the original question, would you try it? I think I would. I also realize that this thought process is seriously fucked up. I get that. I consider it to be a, “Go for it!” kind of attitude. I’ve also been thinking about this since I heard about Hufu- roughly 8 or 9 years ago, which I also think is 7 a on the Richter Scale of fucked up mind earthquakes – that I’ve been thinking about it that long, not that someone made a fictitious thing.  

Anyway, it does slightly concern me that these chefs feel it closely meets what actual human flesh tastes like…How do they know?! The other disconcerting thought I have is, what if I get a taste for fake human and I really like it and the only place to get it is in London? I can see it now, someone asks me what I want for dinner and I can’t stop craving people burgers. Would it be funny if they named the meal after a person? I think so. Tonight’s special: Rack of Carrie with a béarnaise sauce, sautéed green beans and garlic mashed potatoes.

I’d still try it.  

Scratching an Itch with a Razor Blade

The title of this post is misleading, but maybe after reading this you may or may not feel a little itchy. The suspense!

A few weeks ago my roommate informed me a gigantic spider was loose somewhere in our house. She and I are very much disinterested in spiders…to panic attack levels. That same evening, I was leisurely hanging out in my room with the door open while roommate and her boyfriend were chatting, when out of the corner of my eye, I caught sight of a giant spider and yelled out, “I FOUND IT!” They both came in to look, roommate says, “Oh, that’s not it. That’s not even close to the giant one.”

She must love seeing the horrified look on my face…

We had her boyfriend capture and release the “tiny” spider from the house- No harm came to it, but if it’s not going to pay rent, it can’t stay.

I’ve made friends with someone in the Army who is very much anti-killing spiders. He claims it bad karma. How are you going to argue with an American Hero?

This morning as I stepped into the shower, I turned around to see the biggest spider I have ever seen in my life struggling to crawl up the shower wall. I screamed bloody murder along with a long breath of expletives which then turned into a repeated series of “Oh no” as I tried to catch my breath and run for the hills. I was already running late this morning and now this hell beast is going to kill me. Scrambling out of the shower, I turned my back- I turned my back on it! What is wrong with me?  I put on my robe and opened the curtain again and the wicked monster was nowhere to be found. Ensue sheer terror and panic. You may think I’m exaggerating the size of this creature. It was too big to wash down the drain, even if its body had been crumpled up. Too big for the drain. No thank you. I took a breath and peeked over the tub to see it’s long nimbly legs poking up the side, trying to crawl its way out. I ran to the kitchen to find the biggest Tupperware I could find with a lid, and returned to the bathroom.

The spider graciously complied with crawling into the Tupperware, but became increasingly aggressive the moment I closed the lid. I put on my shoes, ran out of the house with container as far away from my body as possible, opened the lid and threw the hellion into the snobby neighbor’s yard.

Is karma smiling on me today? I dunno, I was late to my meeting and I left my headlights on. We’re off to a great start. Also, if that fucking spider decides to come wandering back down the stairs, I hope it goes to the other neighbors’ place as I can’t deal with that shit again. 

                                                    Fuck you.

Shit Sandwich Again?

It’s been awhile since I've updated this thing, and a lot is going on, so it’s time to fill y’all in. How vapid of me.

Let’s start with the less than positive stuff- I’m still working on being more positive overall, but sometimes life serves shit sandwiches for your meals and you either take it, or starve. Right? So. The plot twist continues in my sometimes rather unexceptional life.

Some of my closest friends are moving to North Carolina. That’s all the way on the other side of this gigantic country we live in. All the way across, and a bit South. I knew it was coming, but I was a bit of an ass and told them I didn’t want to talk about it till it was a more concrete plan. I got a text saying they had negotiated a house and they’re moving probably at the end of the month.

Cue all of the crying.

Ugh. I know it’ll be a new adventure for them and I want them to be happy and successful there, but I am so selfish and want to keep them here with me forever…or at least take them with me wherever I go. So that’s the thorn in my side right now that causes me to well up whenever I think about it and it sucks. They’re having a farewell BBQ in the middle of the month, just look for the crying mess sitting in a corner drinking beer and chain smoking. That’ll be me. Approach with caution.

Good friends are family, and you never lose your family. I’ll just be traveling to North Carolina a lot going forward. Plus, I was promised a pony on my visits. Ok, mayyybe not promised, but I’m still expecting one.

Ok, that one’s a little heavy for me so moving on to something a bit happier.

My job is awesome! I was able to go to Portland, OR for a couple of days to visit friends/family and the next day go to the shipyards where we have a few vessels being built. Without going into any detail, it was a kick in the pants good time. I wrote a report on the work part of the trip which was well received and I suppose I sound like I know what I’m talking about a little bit more. I’m no pro yet, but I’m getting there. This job has already given me so many opportunities that I never would've imagined at any other job I’ve had before and I am so stinking grateful for it. It’s a fascinating industry, I totally dig what I’m doing.

I have a new roommate, who has a dog that looks like a bigger version of Chug and they wrestle so much that they’re both exhausted which means Chug sleeps through the night and that makes me really happy. Also, roommate can cook really well and she’s stocked the kitchen with all sorts of good stuffs. We get along. Last night we sat on the couch, watched videos of screaming goats and giggled.

Next:

This dating life…

UGH. Why do I do this to myself? I was seeing a fella for a very short period of time and things were going swimmingly, there was a lot of great potential there for it to blossom into something more and we both felt it. AND THEN! Dun, dun, duuuunnnn! Turns out, he’s gonna be a dad! Baby’s mama is a woman he has no interest in! AWESOME! Peace out and lotsa luck.

I've had a couple of dates since and one tonight. A couple of friends have asked me if I’m excited about tonight’s date. I've broken it down like this:

You know when you’re looking for a job and you have a ton of interviews? You’re really excited for the first few, but you come to find you’re either not that interested in the position, or you never hear back from them, whatever the case may be. You go to a few more, and you notice your excitement turns to discouragement. You, however, are a champ and you keep on keepin’ on. Still nothing, and your discouragement turns into straight up “Fuck it”. I’m at the border of discouragement and fuck it. The positive of being in this place is that, that’s usually when you find a job…so, maybe this one might be worth the salt, maybe. I’m not counting on it. Either way, free dinner and beer! Count me in.

I feel like my sense of humor has altered to be a little more on the dry side. Although, I still have moments of in your face hilarity. This is a good balance, at least I’m really into it.

Ok, that’s all. As you were. 

Note: need coffee maker in bedroom

I'm writing this entry from the comforts of my bed, wishing slightly intoxicated me had put the coffee maker in my bedroom last night so I wouldn't have to get up to make coffee. After wishing drunken me was a touch more insightful, I realized this mundane (but brilliant!) thought is my only complaint. Is this what it means to be happy? 

I was hired on with Harley Marine yesterday as the Executive Asst to the VP of Engineering, therefore last night was cause for celebration. By some miracle, I didn't wake up with a hangover, thus- Everything is coming up Milhouse!

I can't remember feeling this good about my life or being so confident with what I'm doing. Some friends and family have mentioned it as well, I think we can agree that happy is a good look for me. 

Let's keep this up, this Jamma I like. 

What fresh hell is this?

I'm taking a break from all the positive crap for a bit. I'm not going to be a Debbie Downer or anything, just taking a sabbatical from it. Sometimes, I'm just not feeling it, and that time is now.

Did you guys know I'm a gold digger? Neither did I, until yesterday morning. Actually, I'm not at all and am appalled at the person making those implications that I am. 

So sticks and stones, right? Well, that's debatable...I read an article about a mom who is tired of kids feeling like they deserve things. It's a decent read and it makes strong points about using critical thinking and problem solving skills without the answers being handed to you because life is haaaaaard! While I have zero children and now I only count as my Mom's kid, this doesn't necessarily apply to me. However, what does apply is the simple thought that showing someone respect and allowing them to keep their dignity should not have to be requested. It should be ingrained in the minds of everyone who lives in civil society. Maybe I'm the only one who feels that way, maybe not, but it does seem like very few people practice this. I've said before and stand behind- every single person on the planet would benefit from every single person having a little more compassion for their fellow man.

I get cursed out over the phone at work because I won't transfer a screaming person to anyone. If you don't scream or swear at me, you get what you want. If you aren't an asshole to me, I won't talk shit about you in my blog. Maybe I'm being petty, but right now I feel petty and angry are a better approach than brushing it off and being stupidly positive about it. 

Suck it, positivity.

Solths > Boyfriends. So it is written.

Boyfriend and I broke up last night...OK, he broke up with me. I have conflicting feelings about it, but whatever, it is done and now I can work on the things I really want to do and point myself in the direction I want to head in with my focuses being on work and school. Also, we're starting to head into the weather filled months that require daytime patio drinking with friends. It's not all bad.

I want to say things like we'll be friends and blah, blah, fucking blah, but at the moment I don't necessarily feel friendly towards him and I certainly don't want to see him for awhile. I'll reiterate that I don't think he is a bad person, in fact, he is an exceptional person, and overall I have the utmost respect for him, just at the moment I really can't find it in me to see past my being upset about the whole stupid thing. Therefore, right now, he sucks.

I could continue on with this post but then it has the potential of turning into a woman scorned piece. I'm not about that anymore. I am however, all about sloths.

Epiphffffff-a-what?

Have you ever had a feeling that you were on the verge of an epiphany? It's a strange thought...you'd think they either happen or they don't, there isn't that much of a grey area regarding epiphanies. However, this last week I've been having this weird feeling that I'm about to have one, it's on the verge of my brain like a word you're trying to remember is on the tip of your tongue.

1 week later-
I have taken some time to really think about this post and well I can tell you that the epiphany didn't happen. In fact, the thought that some sort of life changing, "Ah-ha" moment just fizzled out. How anticlimactic for you. How anticlimactic for me! Believe it or not, I'm still working on this positivity thing- Side note, Blogger is telling me 'positivity' isn't a word. I know it is, I double checked in Outlook, even though I didn't need to, because it IS a word! You crazy, Blogger. -I have put school on hold for now until I have confirmed that my employment is in permanent status and no longer temporary. I'm not making excuses, I'm being realistic that I'll need to pay back student loans and being gainfully employed will most definitely help with that. As much as I don't wanna be, I am a responsible adult and have to ensure that I can take care of the shenanigans I involve myself in.

Oh yeah, I have a new job, I work at Harley Marine Services now as the temporary receptionist. Answering phones is pretty easy. It's a nice change of pace for now, of course I don't solely answer phones, but that's a main part of it. There are some factors in play at the moment that keep me at temporary status but I am shooting for a different position here that make better use of my skills- also not a complaint, I am so grateful to be here, I like the people and the office. There's a gym on site, and fully stocked kitchens, I can get used to this, actually, I have gotten used to it. In the mean time, I'm totally killing it at the receptionist gig. Not to downplay it, being a receptionist can be tough, there are a ton of interruptions throughout the day. This is the first time I've had to have interactions with almost all of the office folks, not just in Seattle, but also in all of the other offices scattered around the States as well. Therefore learning everyone's name and where they're located is my current challenge.

Back to positivity! Alright, not to have rainbows shooting out of my ass or anything, I don't think I'm capable of that kind of energy anyway. I know the people I surround myself with are thankful for that. Else it would be a lonely road I'd travel. Also, that kind of energy is exhausting. I need energy to take the stairs.  I've taken an approach to distance myself from negative vibes that harsh my mellow, man. Mostly to try and understand why someone is upset. What was it that caused it, and how can I help to make them feel better? If I can't make them feel better, how can I get them to become tolerable? Sometimes telling the upset person to just breathe seems to help. I try not to say, "It's not a big deal", to anyone having a hard time mostly because of perspective. What I might think to be a throw away problem could be the end of the world for someone else. I'm just trying to find the middle ground. In certain situations, I don't necessarily feel like I've established myself yet, and I still have something to prove to some folks so I'm finding different ways to get to reasonable solutions. I really don't want to fix people or their problems. Really, who has time for that? I want to be comfortable in all areas in my life, therefore if I can influence someone into a healthier way of looking at work/life/label making programs, why should I stop?

I like to think that I'm leading by example. So if I don't talk shit about a woman's obvious fashion faux pas or other material/character judgments (OMG Blogger, judgments isn't a word either? How dare you call yourself a blog!) around a person that does exhibit those behaviors, am I influencing them at all, or am I just deluding myself to what I hope will happen? It's probably the latter, but what do I know? I'm obviously deluded.

I'm off to skip through the halls and jump in rain puddles now.

Unemployment, Lent and Bio-Terrorism. In that order

I have 2 1/2 days left at the Institute. Other than meetings, letting folks know I won't be here as of Monday and who to contact, and slowly finishing a project, I have checked out. I don't wanna anymore and really, what are they going to do about it? In all honesty, it probably doesn't look that different to anyone from when I first started here. I think I may have mastered how to look busy. Funemployment is looming! Still looking forward to it, so that hasn't changed at all. Whee...

Yesterday was Mardi Gras- yay! Other than work, I ordered a pizza and watched Hunger Games. So I guess you could say I took a literal meaning to celebrating Fat Tuesday. I'm not a religious person by any means but I know all about Lent. I actually find the whole concept of the Lent season to be a bit ridiculous (TL;DR version for those of you who don't know the religious aspects of it, Lent symbolizes the sacrifices Jesus made fasting in the desert for 40 days which is how long the season is, then afterwards lead up to His crucifixion, death and rising from the dead-Easter, or as some like to call it, Zombie Jesus Day. Don't get upset with me, I don't make this stuff up, but I do write for the masses. Obviously.). I understand why the devoted participate. Christianity can sometimes have romanticized, symbolic gestures and practices that the faithful wholeheartedly participate in. Others might look at it as a 2nd go at a New Years Resolution- give that gym membership a go again! While anyone else might view the start of Lent like it's a Wednesday. Why I find it ridiculous- for those religious/spiritual folks, you give up sugar, curse words, being late to work and other things that really shouldn't be called a sacrifice. Not to say you should renounce your first born or anything like that-this isn't some cult...but you do compare that menial surrender with the sacrifices of Jesus and that some how makes you a better Christian. Oh to be a heavenly fly on that wall if that conversation were to happen between you and Jesus.

Jesus: "So it looks like you gave up sugar for 2 years in a row and quit smoking for like an hour one year, and didn't get black-out drunk dancing on tables on your 22nd birthday."
You: "Yeah, but at least I tried, and that's more than the Atheists can say!"
Jesus: "Uh-huh, musta been a real bitch for ya. You know what I gave up? My life. For you. You ungrateful little..."

I'm no better, I normally fall into the "It's Wednesday" crowd, the only difference is I don't hide behind faith to make a point. Uh-Oh! Hot button issue.

Little Red Dog and I walk every day either in or near the park we live next to-we only walk in it when it's not dark outside. There's crazy folk about, and Chug is not going to do squat to protect me so we walk where there's light. On our walks I often see numerous dog bombs left unattended by previous park enjoyers. One of the great things about this park is that they literally give out FREE poop bags (ok, some of our tax money goes to pay for them but still) and there are garbage cans all over the place so people can get rid of their dog's presents instead of letting their precious Bowser leave its shit for the rest of us to admire. How freaking thoughtful!

This has been a long winded/passive aggressive issue for so long and in so many communities. You're either raging mad that the dog's owner didn't pick up after their dog or your the dog owner that is too important to get anywhere near that mess. Oddly enough, I'm the rager. A) If you can't pick up after your dog, you shouldn't have one. B) There is an old folks home just up the block, a couple live there with their sweet bull terrier and all three of them look like it's hard to move, but that man still picks up after his dog and refuses anyone's help even though it looks like a struggle- if he can do pick up after his dog, so can you. C) Leaving your dog's shit on the ground should be considered an act of bio-terrorism. Hear me out, before you call me crazy. Pooch fecal matter has a bunch of bacteria and germs, and potentially carrying worms and all sorts of viruses that can spread not only to my dog, but to me as well and possibly you.

Don't believe me? Here's an internet article backing my point: Yucky!
Think about this! You, your kids and your dog are having a nice day at the park. Your dog sniffs around a present from another dog and when you get home you've introduced your house to hook worms, heart worms, or maybe even parvo-which doesn't affect humans, but it can kill your dog.  What a damper to a nice day, huh?

Chug is definitely not the most graceful canine on this planet and has in fact fallen into a pile not picked up (which oddly enough, was right next to a garbage can...) and instead of me getting ready for work, I had to give him a bath. I am not alright with this, you shouldn't be alright with this. Also, vet visits can be really expensive. Over $200 for an ER vet visit.

Too much passive aggressive with this one. It's time to say something when you see it, not just post it online- I do both, a bit more aggressive than passive, but I simply don't have time for your dog's shit.

So, This Happened Today (Follow up)

I won't keep you in suspense any longer. My last day is next Friday-if I am finished with my project by then, which at this point, who cares if I am or not? I can pass it off to an intern and call it good.

Now, before the bad mouthing begins, my boss told me that he and the other attorney were very happy with the work I've done here and that I've made certain processes a lot easier to go through which helps the entire department, if not the organization. They also pushed pretty hard to get me to be full time but it wasn't in the budget. I have asked for a collaboration letter of reference from both attorneys which they seem happy to provide (I'll have to keep on them if I ever want to see it though...attorneys, I'm tellin' ya, can't trust them to do anything). Also I think a letter of recommendation would be a bonus since after being laid off from Amazon, would give me an extra push.

I could be upset, but I'm not. I'm looking forward to the uncertainty of the future. The things I have accomplished while I've been here have been amazing steps to my growth as a person and growth for my potential career. I've quit smoking, I've decided what I want to be when I grow up, I'm taking a healthier aspect with me mentally as well as physically and while I don't credit the Institute for all of this, it was here that I started feeling like something needed to change and I'm taking those steps to make that change happen.

With nothing to lose, I told my boss about my plan to go back to school and becoming a librarian. He was so supportive of it, which made me feel even more awesome about the contract coming to an end. He's offered another coffee run for next week. I think I might push for a lunch at Roux. Also, after next week, I don't have to clean up after the inefficient intern. I'm brimming with positivity.

Free Coffee Trumps No Free Coffee

My boss sent me an invite for coffee today and to discuss my time here at the Allen Institute. Yesterday marked my 3 month anniversary, so I suppose this shouldn't come as a surprise. However, I only pieced together that I've been here 3 months now after getting the invite. What this means: I will either be offered a full time position here, or my contract with be severed and I'll go back to the unemployment life. For a while now I've been saying I don't mind what happens with my contract. For the most part, that's true because while I don't mind the work or a steady paycheck, the commute is long and I'd have more time on my hands at home to research Library Science programs as well as being able to volunteer more time at the library getting my feet wet in that lifestyle.

However, after getting the invite, I have turned into a complete nervous wreck. There is no need for it, but I am certainly surprised at my reaction to the possibilities of what is to come. There are pros and cons to each way this could go but at least I'll get a free coffee out of it, right?

Stay tuned.

Got My Shoes Tied Tight

It finally happened. I finally figured out what I want to be when I grow up and I can't believe it's taken me this long to realize it. I'm going to see how long I can go in this post without blurting it out.

I tried being clever and spelling it out with the start of every sentence but the format of the actual blog got all screwed up, and it didn't work the way I was hoping. Plus, it was a horribly written paragraph, so never mind.

I'll give you a hint. I spend a lot of my time at work researching things, and a lot of my spare time reading. Give up?

What better way to get paid than to be a librarian? I don't think I could ever hate that job, or get sick of having to spend my days in a library. So, yup. There's that, I've been looking into it for about a week now and I'm hoping to apply for Fall Quarter. We'll see how it goes.

As you were.

Oh here we go

I'm a bit of a hypochondriac. When I was in junior high, I fell asleep to a show about spontaneous human combustion and for years was convinced that's how I was going to die. I've come to terms with it now, being if that's how I go, it'll be way more awesome than dying in my sleep or something boring like that.

My biggest fear/paranoia (aside from birds, as that's daily all the time fear), is that I'll get bot fly larva in my eye. Dunno how that one came to be, but it's probably going to happen and I'll lose an eye.

As I've been laying here trying to fall asleep, I can hear something in my right ear. It's more than likely just water, but images of a spider living in my ear keep flashing through my mind. Therefore, it's a spider living in my ear and I cannot sleep. 

I am a whack-a-do. 

IT Guy makes me want to smoke

 I quit smoking last Thursday. I've decided that I want to be healthier amongst other varied reasons. Anyway, I quit, bought a crappy e-cigarette that doesn't quite do the trick, but I'll manage and I promptly started coughing, which then turned to the hell cold/low grade fever flu thing. I'm sure they aren't connected with each other, my quitting and catching the yuck (except the lower immunity thing from smoking). I stayed home almost all weekend wrapped in blankets in my jammies on the couch, except Sunday for the Superb Owl. In order to get out of the house I went to a friend's for the game and socialization for a few hours then home again. Sunday night hit me like a ton of bricks health wise and I ended up staying home from work yesterday...though I'm sure my boss thinks I just had a really good time at the sports ball party wink, wink.

Today I am a complete monster/she-beast. I left my head wrapped up in the blankets at home, wrote the wrong email to the wrong guy, attached the wrong document and called him the wrong name. Tried to log into a website only to not be able to. Sorting out the user name/pw thing it said I failed to log in correctly 9 times (9!) and blocked me from the site. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. Also, my boss isn't here in order for me to prove that I am genuinely sick. No longer contagious, but still sick.

Currently, I'm working on this stupid project that sounds simple enough but the software that's being used makes it incredibly difficult and stupid. First, there is no one in the office who is an expert on the software. Second, the website for said software doesn't have a forums/FAQ/Help Me, Please Dear God Help Me link. Third, the software company is in Chicago and the IT department, I'm pretty sure hates me.

There's a bunch of stuff that goes on with it, that if I try to explain, your head might hurt as much as mine does. To simplify: I listed out my needs to the IT Guy and asked him how to make the recipe for an automatic email. He, being the expert, sent numerous variations of a recipe which all turned out to be crap and now I'm apparently the idiot who can't figure it out on my own (According to him, there must be some confusion here. Ya think?!). Since I missed yesterday, I'm working 4/10's to make up for it. I have 4 hours to go, and the IT Guy makes me want to smoke, like your job makes you want to drink. 

Articulation is Key

Boyfriend's sister's phone auto corrects "Super Bowl" to superb owl and since this glorious auto correct, we have been calling the Super Bowl, Superb Owl. Now if you were to say this to someone and not slow it down a touch or enunciate a definite end of one word to the next, it can sound like "Super Bowel" and people will look at you funny.

True story.

The Downfall of Social Media

I deactivated my Facebook account today. It felt like an uphill battle with my "friends" to be civil and nice vs. cheap shots being thrown for a quick laugh at someone's expense. I pick my battles, this was one I was obviously going to lose from the get go, so I decided it was time to live life like I did before being totally submerged in the negative void that is social media (Blogger is obviously excluded from this statement.).

Some folks that I have talked to understand my point of view and support it, some think it is their fault and are sorry to see me go, and some probably think I'm overreacting and being silly. But I'm not going to stick around to read everyone's opinion on the matter.

You know what's silly? That I'm writing this. That I'm writing about this and probably no one other than me will read it because it became apparent to me a couple weeks ago that getting people to do anything without something being in it for them is next to impossible. Except they have no problem putting me down for suggesting commenting on my blog. Lucky for me, they spared the unwanted comments here, but they felt no remorse blasting my request on a forum where my Mom could read their comments. They are unabashed to call out circumstances which make one feel shame and embarrassment so someone else can get a laugh out of it, like when I posted a photo of my boyfriend in the airport on our way to Las Vegas. The barrage of comments about us getting married went from 'funny' to being over the top and imposing which quickly turned to anger and resentment on my end, especially because some of those people making the comments know the pain I've gone through and thought it would be a good time to reopen those wounds. Regardless of that being their intent or not, poking at the girl with a history of PTSD and severe depression always works in everyone's favor, doesn't it?

These are people I know personally. People that claim to be my friends. People that haven't said anything to me in person, I have a feeling they wouldn't because as soon as they did they would see that there is no screen to hide behind, for either of us. They would instantly see how their words effect me and maybe that would bring a sense of humility back to them. And yet, I am the sensitive one, I fully acknowledge that. There are times I wish my skin was as thick as it used to be, but it simply is not.

I don't want to seem like I'm feeling sorry for myself. No. That's the ultimate overreaction. I made a decision and I'm following through with it. I've decided to start doing more positive things with my time.

A friend and I have decided to become craft pals (as opposed to pen pals). It'll be a great way to see how each of us grows in our skills, technique, and abilities as master crafters and we are both really excited about that.

I have been reading more and I'll be getting a Kindle tomorrow evening to up the amount of books I go through this year. This, after all was my New Year's Resolution and if I'm not so focused on the stupidity of Facebook, I think I can better enjoy the books I've chosen as well as get through more of them. My "To Read" list is pretty extensive at the moment, and for how much time I spend commuting by bus, it's pretty much perfect timing.

Lastly, I'm working on figuring out how to manage my time better when I get home from work and on the weekends I don't make plans. I need more nights at home, more workouts, more homemade meals, less nights out spending money (which can be really hard living so close to the best brew pub ever), focus more on the things I want and need for myself and enjoying the company of the people that refuse to put others down but instead have decided to help build them up. I need more of these things in my life. More positive in, more negative out and away from me and the people I love.

If you're not going to be civil, respectful and nice, please keep walking. I don't want you in my corner anymore.

The dog days of Chug

Last year, I decided I wanted a dog for my birthday. Still trying to find my way out of a dark place, a rescue dog would also be my therapy dog. It was a perfect idea. I talked with an agency, Saving Great Pets (if you're ever in the market), and told them about my situation. Almost every pet adoption application is, I'm assuming, harder to adopt an animal than it is to get a citizenship to a different country. People like animals more than people. It's a fact. SGP is not as strict, they don't need to know your credit history, social security number, or if you have unemployed friends. I asked for a dog that fit my lifestyle, half the time lazy, half the time energetic...ok more lazy. Like an 80-20% here, because let's be honest...  also no barking as I share walls with neighbors, and has to be potty trained. The one thing the agency did get right is the lazy. He likes to sleep. A lot.

When I adopted Chug (whose former name is Dasher. Laaaaame), he was a GD monster. He has anxiety so badly that he near destroyed my apartment. Shredding the carpet, along with any loose mail/papers left on the coffee table. He ate- not an exaggeration- ate through 2 baby gates that were intended to keep him in the kitchen away from the rest of the place. He even somehow got up into the windowsill and ate the blinds.This was all in the first week, when I had to say goodbye to my deposit! The 2nd week, he got tangled in his leash on a walk so I bent down to help him, he jumped up, knocking my phone out of my pocket and cracking the screen. I was tired and frustrated with this little dog who was burning a hole in my bank account rather rapidly had somehow already won my heart. The final straw would have been if he ate my boots I had been drooling over and finally bought at Nordstrom, that little shit would've gone back to the pound. Lucky for him he did not. He also barks. Aaaaand sometimes he pees inside.

A day or two later I bought a crate and posted a note to the front door explaining to my neighbors that he was not being tortured, we're crate training and he hates it. He still hates it, but it's better for both of us that he remain in the crate while I'm at work. Since the crate, it's been much better for all involved parties.

There was the mud incident too. If you could see my face as I reminisce...It had poured rain throughout one of the first weeks we were together. I had been working 10 hour days which isn't really fair to a new dog getting used to a new living situation, but that was the Amazon life (To make up for it, I spent 5 months with him nearly every day over the summer/fall). My fella had invited me over for dinner with him and his daughter. He asked me to bring Chug and to pick up some beer. I like beer and I like dinner. I was in, especially after another long day, not having to cook sounded simply amazing. I stopped by the mini mart and when I got out of the car, Chug bolted. He went into a muddy field that's normally just a strip of grass but since all of the rain it was mud. He ran under a shed and refused to come out. After several agonizing minutes in the pouring rain, the mud caked dog came out from under the shed. I had to pick him up and put him in the car. I was then covered in mud, and for the small amount of time I was in the mart, the interior of my car was getting covered in mud. We finally got to our dinner destination where I grabbed the dog and wouldn't let him wander around the house with how filthy we both were and b-lined it for the bathroom to clean up.

Did I mention the cat? Boyfriend and his daughter have a cat. Chug likes to chase cats and be incredibly awful to them, which he did. Which caused dinner to be a disaster, stress and crying included...shortly after arriving, Chug and I retreated back home (where I drank beer in the shower, cuz I'm classy!). See? Total monster.


I understand that I am not painting having an incredibly high maintenance dog in the best light, but he is a great companion and has definitely done his therapy job keeping my mind on other things when I really needed it which is one of the main reasons I decided to go the dog route. Plus I'm highly allergic to cats and Tough Stuff isn't the therapeutic/cuddly type of turtle needed for that occupation. He in fact, is rather ornery...and bitey, but always with a smile.

So it has been one full trip 'round the calendar. My little red dog who loves to sleep in, chase squirrels, pee on the rug, always has a funky smell even after a bath, antagonize kitties and crows-which I really wish he wouldn't do since crows are smart and don't forget and I am terrified of birds- he certainly makes life more interesting, and while I rescued him from a kill shelter in California, he in turn, rescued me from myself.

The point to this, dear reader, is one that I made earlier in this post: People like animals more than other people. To drive this already proven fact home: Chug received more birthday cards than I did. I have a one up on him though, I can read.

Confucius Say:

Wherever you go, there you are.

 I felt like I went crazy once. It really wasn't that long ago, and I'm pretty sure I wrote about it on this blog that I have...Anyway, I don't feel *as crazy* and I think it important to emphasize the AS part. Everyone is a little crazy in their own way. Actually, a very close friend once told me that I'm not crazy. Something horrible happened to me and I dealt with it the best way I knew how to but it proved to be too much. Some times that happens to folks and even though I don't have a physical scar from it doesn't mean I came away unscathed.

This is not the point or focus of my post. I actually get really bored of my own shit, since it's always the same thing that I often wonder if something else would happen just for a change of scenery. I feel like I'm repeating myself. I have to stop for an editor's review...ok, yeah, I've said something similar to this before but whatever, you're just going to have to deal with it or skip this paragraph for crying out loud. Too late, we're all moving on now.

2013 ended on a good note, I started a new job at the Allen Institute for Brain Sciences in the legal department working mostly on material transfer agreements (MTAs) and contracts. It's a decent gig, when there is work to do. So far, there has been a lot (like a ridiculous amount) of down time- like now, where I'm at work and writing my blog. This is what I need. I need to get paid to write this nonsense down. Also, just so it's clear, my boss knows I'm caught up and that I am currently getting paid to hold down a chair. Thankfully it's not metrics based bullshit work, amIright, Amazon?

It's 2014! This year has started out way better than that one year. I went to Las Vegas with my fella (my first time there) and we did well enough to only have to pay for meals the full day we had there. Although we didn't win big enough for a brand spanking new Aston Martin for me, or a Ducati for him (or whatever it is that he wants), or a trip around the world, I'd call it a successful visit. I had my 32nd birthday and to say that I made it to 32 when I didn't think I'd make it through 30 is pretty bad ass. Lastly, I am starting off this year credit card debt free. Suck on that, ex-husband! hahaha! Oh, no, I'm not vindictive or anything like that, it's just with all this new found responsibility, I still need to be somewhat immature and this is my outlet, so let me have it. Really, it feels like I've won the lottery, omit those pesky bills I still have to pay.

So there's that. Years fluctuate with ups and downs, good and bad. Here's to more ups and good and less downs and bad for you, yours and everyone else. Even those who don't really deserve it. Maybe if they have more good, they'll be better people in general. Here's hoping!

Happy New Year, ya jackals.